Showing posts tagged with “tl;dr”

Growing Up

It is so sad when you give up one passion for another.

You realize there are two types of needs: the need to stay alive and the need to be alive. Seemingly synonymous, but very much different.

Staying alive requires you to be educated, make a living, and find any means to continue to exist on this planet.
Being alive has one sole requirement: to be happy.

There comes a time where you either think that you need to stay alive to be alive, or be alive to stay alive. Sometimes, the lines get blurred and you think they are one in the same. Conversely, you may believe you will need to give one of them up.

I am at the point in my life where I have no fucking clue. I am fully aware of my needs and what I can do to reach those dreams, but I doubt the reality of having both needs achieved in my life. Yes, I could have happiness even when I choose the path of staying alive, but a part of me will always be yearning for that alternative route I could have gone. It seems so forlorn to have both my needs achieved side by side; very much unrealistic and quite foolish to even attempt. But I must try, right? I should at least be able to give myself the pat on the back and a bittersweet “you tried”? Because no matter slim the chances, no matter unlikely the event, there is still hope – for me and for my need to be alive.

Baby Steps

So here are some things I thought I would and could never do: Hike up a mountain with a bag about a third of my weight, camp overnight and make conversation with strangers, and pee behind a bush and in front of a horse!

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The weather has been against my choice of clothing. Hmph, I don’t wanna stop wearing summer clothes!!!
Also, look! I am tan. No, I didn’t go to the beach. That’s my normal skin color. And I am a-okay with that. It’s really frustrating to see all those ads about skin whitening — it’s unnatural and it’s so wrong. Why should I feel bad about what color I am? Why should I want to change the way I am? I was born that way because of some genetic mumbo jumbo that went on when my parents made me. Wanting to be different would mean wanting to have had a different set of parents, and no, I would not have wanted a different set of parents. I am happy and thankful for how I look and the way I live, and I wish other people were too.

The weather has been against my choice of clothing. Hmph, I don’t wanna stop wearing summer clothes!!!

Also, look! I am tan. No, I didn’t go to the beach. That’s my normal skin color. And I am a-okay with that. It’s really frustrating to see all those ads about skin whitening — it’s unnatural and it’s so wrong. Why should I feel bad about what color I am? Why should I want to change the way I am? I was born that way because of some genetic mumbo jumbo that went on when my parents made me. Wanting to be different would mean wanting to have had a different set of parents, and no, I would not have wanted a different set of parents. I am happy and thankful for how I look and the way I live, and I wish other people were too.

Polaroid Z340 Instant Camera

I feel like a cheat for wanting this because instant has gone digital oh no but that is really freakin’ cool and more practical than instant film cameras.  Pretty sure it doesn’t have the same feel as legit polaroids but I guess this is a good alternative for the more practical person or the person with parents who don’t understand why instant film cameras are cool but you know whatever.

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I know, I know

I’m a cynic and I know it.

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Shitty and Shittier

So far, the past week has been a total blast! Please sense my sarcasm.

I thought these things only lasted as long as the week goes, ending when Sunday was over. Turns out, I’m wrong! As usual, of course! I was so glad to start a new week, but it started so terrible, all thanks to me.

Highlights of my sabawness:

  1. Woke up 30 minutes late, as per usual (but at least I had first period free-cut).
  2. Forgot my wallet at home which held my ID (so that’s left-ID-strike 2 for me).
  3. Luckily, I put my money in my pencil case the night before (idk why I did, but I’m glad I did).
  4. Understood nothing in class (as per usual).
  5. Got in the MRT station and realized I still had my campus pass (which I would get a minor offence for if I didn’t return it on the same day).
  6. Went all the way back to school to return the campus pass (which meant walking, taking the LRT, and more walking wearing my new shoes that hurt my feet so much you don’t even know I WAS SUFFERING).
  7. Went all the way back to the MRT to Shangri-la mall (which meant walking, LRT, walking, MRT, walking in those damn shoes).
  8. Attempted to buy a bag because it was 50% off, then realized I forgot my wallet at home when I was already at the counter.

What is wrong with me lately. I know it’s probably my sleep schedule (3AM ugh) but I really can’t help it.

I need help.

Cries.

Waiting for the Next Stop.

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Da fuq is up with Twitter rn

Whatever.

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My dad started talking about how he hates drinking, that he doesn’t want me drinking, how he condones drinkers, etc

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