It is so sad when you give up one passion for another.
You realize there are two types of needs: the need to stay alive and the need to be alive. Seemingly synonymous, but very much different.
Staying alive requires you to be educated, make a living, and find any means to continue to exist on this planet.
Being alive has one sole requirement: to be happy.
There comes a time where you either think that you need to stay alive to be alive, or be alive to stay alive. Sometimes, the lines get blurred and you think they are one in the same. Conversely, you may believe you will need to give one of them up.
I am at the point in my life where I have no fucking clue. I am fully aware of my needs and what I can do to reach those dreams, but I doubt the reality of having both needs achieved in my life. Yes, I could have happiness even when I choose the path of staying alive, but a part of me will always be yearning for that alternative route I could have gone. It seems so forlorn to have both my needs achieved side by side; very much unrealistic and quite foolish to even attempt. But I must try, right? I should at least be able to give myself the pat on the back and a bittersweet “you tried”? Because no matter slim the chances, no matter unlikely the event, there is still hope – for me and for my need to be alive.