Growing Up

It is so sad when you give up one passion for another.

You realize there are two types of needs: the need to stay alive and the need to be alive. Seemingly synonymous, but very much different.

Staying alive requires you to be educated, make a living, and find any means to continue to exist on this planet.
Being alive has one sole requirement: to be happy.

There comes a time where you either think that you need to stay alive to be alive, or be alive to stay alive. Sometimes, the lines get blurred and you think they are one in the same. Conversely, you may believe you will need to give one of them up.

I am at the point in my life where I have no fucking clue. I am fully aware of my needs and what I can do to reach those dreams, but I doubt the reality of having both needs achieved in my life. Yes, I could have happiness even when I choose the path of staying alive, but a part of me will always be yearning for that alternative route I could have gone. It seems so forlorn to have both my needs achieved side by side; very much unrealistic and quite foolish to even attempt. But I must try, right? I should at least be able to give myself the pat on the back and a bittersweet “you tried”? Because no matter slim the chances, no matter unlikely the event, there is still hope – for me and for my need to be alive.

Haven’t been on tumblr in the longest time (for a long period of time). I miss the days I used to spend here hours on end, but now my heart really isn’t into it. I’m not sure why. Sigh.

Locus of Control

It’s one of those days where I feel so small; smaller than usual. Everything I do is so trivial. Writing chemical reactions, discussing the Bible, objectifying people’s behaviors… In the end, what good will this do for me

I want to leave, explore, get lost, find my way. I want an exciting life. I want to travel and meet strangers with completely different lives. I want to end these chapters of my life where I come to a dead end. I want to move on and make my life worthwhile.

Uncertainty is a part of life but it doesn’t have to take control. I am the pioneer of how I lead my life, and I need to escape this mental jail I keep myself in. My locus of control is unknown but that shouldn’t stop me from trying. What will be, will be; I will take life by the reins and I will find my way. I want to, at least.

Breaks my heart. I want to live in New York.

Breaks my heart. I want to live in New York.

So I haven’t been on Tumblr much these days. No drive to shoot. Huhu. I only have Instagram to fill my creative void. Might as well post them here to get some activity going.

So I haven’t been on Tumblr much these days. No drive to shoot. Huhu. I only have Instagram to fill my creative void. Might as well post them here to get some activity going.

Took this a few weeks back when school wasn’t as hectic! Centennial building nearing completion. :D

Took this a few weeks back when school wasn’t as hectic! Centennial building nearing completion. :D

Anonymous asked: Your photographs give me so many feelings.. Feelings even I can't understand sometimes.

(Asked on 2012-09-22 23:11 — 11:11PM! Woah! Haha!)

Hi, anon! Sorry this reply is so late. Tumblr doesn’t notify me when I get new messages, idk why :(

Thank you :) I’m glad my photos give some kind of impression. I don’t want them to just be aesthetic or something.

I’m so glad I get such awesome anons! Thank you!